Monday, July 18, 2005


In Which We View the Instant Replay...

Let's shift perspective now.

Your name is Daniel Parisi (or Parici, the police report is a bit smeared) and you drive a truck for a living. You've never been in an accident on the job in your life, so imagine your surprise when you feel your rig shake a little and suddenly here's a tiny hatchback sitting sideways in front of your truck. In fact, you're pushing it down the expressway like a plow shunting a mound of show. And the little car is beginning to rise up on one side. In a second, you'll roll it. And roll right over it.

You jump up on your brakes and a roaring, hissing, screaming sound fills the cab. In your haste to stop, you also accidentally turn on your windshield wipers and your high beams. Now you can see the occupant of the car: a young guy--just a kid, really--sitting, staring blankly up at you as his car lift up on two wheels. All you can think is, He’s dead.

At the last second, though, your momentum slows fractionally and his car, balanced perfectly on two wheels for the splittest of instants, starts to slide away from you. Then it comes down on all four wheels with a jarring CHUNK! And now it's facing you.

Your momentum is slowed, but not that much, and you plow into the little car again, this time hitting it with the left fender of your truck. You nail it squarely in the front and your high beams shine right in the poor kid's face. And then you can't see him at all, because his car goes spinning away. Into four lanes of oncoming traffic.

Then it's like one of those quantum events, where all the molecules of the oncoming cars pass through all the molecules of the kid's car. There’s no other explanation for why the cars in the next two lanes--all moving at speeds in excess of 60 miles an hour--completely miss the kid. He continues spinning, unchecked and out of control, across the expressway.

And then some poor guy in a massive Caddy smacks into him, twice--no, three times. It's like a demolition derby over there. Finally, the Caddy knocks the kid's car another time, sending it into the breakdown lane. Right into the concrete retaining wall that separates the expressway from the El tracks.

The kid goes ass-end first up the concrete and almost over. Then he rolls back onto the road. The Caddy smacks into him yet again--unbelievable--and now they both come to a stop on the other side of the road.

You're mesmerized by this. So much so you almost plow into the rear-end of the car in front of you. Instead, you pull over on the opposite side, near the Addison Street off-ramp.

You hop out of the cab. Cars all along the expressway have slowed to a crawl. The gaper delay. The kid's car is a wreck, the front end smashed, the back end crunched and raised up somehow. Exhaust--or smoke?--is pouring out of the back.

The kid isn't moving.

All you can think is, He’s dead...

Man! I KNOW better, and I'm sitting here thinking the kid is dead too. I have a love/hate relationship with these "leave us hanging" kind of posts.
We KNOW how this story turns out...and you're STILL King of the Cliffhanger.
"KING of the Cliffhanger" is dead on Colleen.

Oh, and The Sex Man.
Aaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!! We know what happens, but... What happenes??!!
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