Wednesday, October 05, 2005

 

In Which We Post the Results...



Holy crap, it sure takes a lot of time to box two dozen items and then try to go through 75 odd comments and decide who gets what and then email those people for their addresses. Oh, and pack for a drive to Ohio. And somewhere in there find time to do your job.

As many of you know, because it was the only coherent sentence I could manage in my emails to you, I'm on about 3 hours of sleep each of the past two days, having gone to bed at 4 AM twice in a row. But let me say few things were more fun than getting this stuff ready and wading through all your comments and emails and neat ideas. I'm excited just imagining how you'll all react when you get your crap.

Especially the one who will open up the box with the goat inside.

So, I know the suspense is killing you, but before we get to the official results, let me say one more thing: If you didn't win the item you bid on, by all means feel a little bad (it can be so satisfying sometimes) but please don't take it personally. What you should do, however, is email me with your address (if you haven't already) and a short list of the sorts of things you enjoy: toys, hobbies, music, DVDs, books, graphic novels, etc. etc. Everyone gets something and I will do my best to accommodate you.

Here we gAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!

EYYYAARRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH!

Blogger just went down for maintenance when I was about 3 away from finishing this post.

My head just exploded. I have to retype this whole fucking thing?!? Are you kidding me?

Well, I can't be bothered to go back and retype exactly what people bid for their items, so I'm just going to rely on memory. Which, given that I've been awake for 42 of the past 48 hours, may not be the most reliable. I'm sure you nice folks will correct me if I commit you to something you didn't quite agree to do.

Item #1: Neil Gaiman Goody Bag A--My man Batonga won this one, and NOT because he's been a reader from almost Month 1, and NOT because he was the very first person (who didn't already know me) to link to me, but because he got right in the spirit of things, bidding and outbidding and doing it with style and grace.

In return for the Gaiman book and cards, he has agreed to: 1. Sign up for membership in the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund, 2. donate some of his own books to a local library, 3. send Mandy Mac's students comic books to review for Halloween (with Mandy's approval of course) and 4. use the book to give as a gift. Holy crap, the guy's a saint!


Item #2: Mr. Spock and Star Trek blueprints--This goes to Revan, pretty much the only one who expressed a solid interest in this. And she's not even keeping it for herself. However, she's getting this on credit as she has not yet articulated her good deed. Should I choose one for you?


Item #3: Web Cam--Caustic Bunny gets this and in return he will webcast one of his cool parties. He will also send inappropriate pictures to his online female admirers. Since Kathryn of Finn's Space also bid to volunteer in some kind of Thanksgiving gospel show on CB's behalf, CB will send her the first of his racy pictures. Full frontal only, Bunny.


Item #4: Crap-load of manga--Westsidekef gots this juicy pile. In return he's going to bring coffee to sick children and read books to them. Or something like that. Anyway, coffee and sick kids and books were involved.


Item #5: Mysterious Locked Case--I know a lot of you wanted this one, but I want Sharfa to quit smoking more. In addition to giving up the coffin nails, she's going to start training to be a door-to-door Avon lady and donate all the money she earns to breast cancer research.

Dear God, I hope there isn't a pack of cigarettes in that case…



Item #6: Elven War Helm--After Dusty made a big deal of what a valuable collector's item this is now, NONE of you bid on it, which I think is weirdly sweet. So I'm going to send it to one of you. And the rest of you will never know who! Or maybe you will, I don't know…




Item #7: Green Lantern Power Ring
--Damn, there was some bidding for this, but in the end Mandy Mac's boyfriend just struck me as way too manic to be denied. Is there really a boyfriend, Mandy? Anyway, Mandy agreed to all kinds of stuff, including sending comics to Batonga and writing her students' book reports for them as a Halloween present and her boyfriend is supposed to give $2500 to Kevin's wife's cousin, whoever that is. Gee, he must really want that ring.



Item #8: Land's End Blue Fleecy Ensemble--Poor, sick, shivering waif Naiah needs a new coat so she gets it. Naiah bid on, like, 40 items (and there were only 23 to begin with!) and each time she switched items, she just wrote "oh my original bid still stands" but I can't find the original bid. So she's going to do whatever she's going to do, plus she's going to send me photos of her modeling the coat (if you know what I mean). (oh hell, even I don't know what I mean). I hope it fits.


Item #9: Christmas Story figures--Bidding on this was like watching a really polite rugby match. Everyone jumped in on the damn thing and then jumped back in an orgy of you-bid-oh-no-I-couldn't-possibly-YOU-bid courtesy that made my head spin. Who the fuck won it? I have no idea. So…eeny meeny miney...Lauren gets them.

Item #10: Original Magazine Man Stories--Okay, I must be mis-remembering this, because it seemed like more people bid on my crappy stories than anything else, including a goddamn ring of power and a signed copy of the #1 book in America! So, anyone who bid on this, anyone who expressed the remotest interest in them, anyone who said the word "stories" in the past week, you're getting a pile of writing. Email or snail mail, I haven't decided. Maybe both.


Item #11: Neil Gaiman Goody Bag B--Pam won this because she's going to volunteer to start a library AND a public radio station where she lives. I guess they're pretty culturally bankrupt there. Better get some more volunteers to help you, Pam. Starting a library from scratch is hard enough, but putting a radio station on the air too? Dang, you're sure civic-minded.



Item #12: Ghost World Enid Doll
--Sheila won this and in return for it, she has offered to prostitute herself. Awesome!

[Edited to add: Her Lovely Self was looking at the emails I printed out and assures me that Sheila is prostituting herself to a local drama queen. So that's nice.]

[[Edited to add: Sheila is "prostituting" herself to a local drama club, helping them with their fall show. Oh.]]


Item #13: Boy Detective Adventure books--Auxmem realized that I was freaking out that no one was going to bid on these Hardy Boys books so he put me out of my misery by bidding on them. In return he is going to dress up in a plaid shirt and dungarees and drive around Bayport in Chet's jalopy and say "Golly!" and "Jeepers!" for a week, instead of "Fuck!" and "Holy shit!" Either that or he's gonna write me some fanfic in which Joe and Nancy Drew get busy on The Sleuth.


Item #14: Star Trek crew shirt--Geewits won this. In return, she's going to give me parenting advice and help me to view my in-laws in a new and more benign light. (Good luck). There may have been something else involved. I forget.



Item #15: Gandalf bust
--Dan is a writer who can't write unless he has a decapitated head on his desk, and I guess the one he has is all rotted and wormy now so he wants this one. In return, he's going to launch one of these new-fangled Web "blobs" all the kids are talking about. Not sure what a "blob" has to do with writing, but hell, no one else bid on Gandalf so he can have it.


Item #16: Journals--The uber-cute Tamara (known in some circles as "the poop chick") wins these. In return, she is going to use those journals to write down everything that is said the next time she and Kathryn get together. Then she'll send me the good bits. Oh wait, no, no I know: She's going to send me pictures of herself in the smallest Royal T t-shirts she sells, and...no wait, she's going to send me the t-shirts and I'm going to send her a picture of me in them...no wait...there was leather involved too...


Item #17: Daphne's autograph--Donnie wanted this for his nephew but right after I took the picture, the card vanished. It's a mystery! You know, like on Scooby Doo? I have no idea where the fuck it is. Some time last week Art Lad and the Brownie had like 467 kids traipsing through the basement, messing with my stuff. Next thing I know, Daphne's gone. I was supposed to send it to Donnie!

And I would have too. If it hadn't been for those meddling kids...

I do have some other Scooby cards though, as well as a sweet Mystery Machine that the nephew will like much better than ink scratches on paper. So he's getting those until the card turns up.



Item #18: TV/Radio/Flashlight/Lantern Thingy
--J.Sto and Naiah musta drunk from the same bottle because they both had the worst case of bidding ADHD. But Jessica finally settled on this, which she says will help her on her outdoor adventures. In return, M.Sto is going to make an Orion slave girl outfit for Shane to wear while J.Sto does interesting gymnastic tricks and blogs about it. There was some ninja stuff in there too but it's all blurry now...


Item #19: Crap-load of LEGOs--I got LEGOs out the wazoo. Chelsea wrote The Magazine Man Rag. She says she has a nephew she wants to give it to. The LEGOs, not the song. But she lives one place and wants me to send the LEGOs to another place and it all sounds very fishy to me and I don't know what to do. Could I get in trouble? What do you think?


Item #20: Really tiny digital camera--This sweet child named Pandora wants the camera and I think it would be a perfect fit for a little kid's hands so why not. But I have a moral issue about sending this to her. I mean, if I pack it up and ship it to her, and she opens it, why, then she'll be opening a Pandora's box, won't she? And who'll be responsible for that? WELL?!?


Item #21: Star Wars swag--Remember how I said this was promised to Johnny C.? Surprise! No tank gunner for him!

Sorry, I got punchy there for just a second. Of course you get the lil guy, Johnny. You'd kill me otherwise, wouldn't you, especially after you passed up the chance to buy it at the toy show thingy, right?



Item #22: Art Lad original artwork
--This piece of original artwork was hand-crafted by my first-born child, my wonderful son. This drawing will be traveling far away to Australia. Can you believe it?

I sure can. That dog scares the living shit out of me.

Speaking of dogs and shit...


Item #23: Doggy Poo DVD--Sandra, did you want this or my stories? You never answered my email. We never talk anymore. Well, it doesn't matter now, because Evan is getting a big steaming box of doggy poo in exchange for designing a shit-hot new logo for the Masthead. Great way to end a crap giveaway, no?

There are some other items that I threw in that weren't up for bid, but I thought certain people might want them. Flip is getting a pistol so she can shoot squirrels. AJ is going to dress up as Princess Mononoke and do a vlog about it. In the middle of the night last night I decided to send some guy in Detroit a brand-new HP digital camera. Or maybe it was a kidney. I emailed two other people to try to send them other boxes of free LEGOs. They haven't replied. It's been six hours. Don't they like me?

There's more, a lot more. The back of the van looks like I robbed a UPS truck. Did I mention I was up late packing it?

Maybe I should get some sleep.

Thanks for playing, everyone. Let me know when you get it all. I look forward to your emails and your blogs.

Most of all, I look forward to the fun I imagine you'll be having.

And good night.

Yours,
From Somewhere on the Masthead


Comments:
OK, I didn't say I was bringing coffee to sick kids. I said I would spend my coffee money on books for the children at Sick Kids, a hospital here in T.O. I have been saving for a week now, I'll try and keep it up until Christmas.
 
Hon, you are like so sleep deprived. I only bid on one thing and then switched it to another so as to graciously step out of the polite rugby match.

Oh, and for like the third time, I'm not sick anymore.

You're this tired and on the road??? I *so* hope your wifre is driving.
 
Nobody bid on the Elven helm? Dammit. I got confused reading the comments (my attention span is equal to that of a learning disabled howler monkey right now), otherwise I would have bid something for it. (BTW, you should have been in the theater when I saw the credits for the first LOTR movie and saw that the creepy dude who used to hang out with my freshman college roommate was Peter Jackson's Elvish language advisor. I developed a severe case of Tourettes when I realized his bizarrely extreme geek factor had garnered him a unique position in film history.)

Ah well, opportunities lost. Job interview sucked my brain dry today. I need sleep.
 
Wow! I hope you had fun with the giveaway!

You earned some BIG Karma Points® (pat. pending) for doing this...

You really are a Good Egg.

T. :)
 
I weep for not having the chance to bid on an Artlad originals - got a new play opening tomorrow and just couldn't get a wireless DSL signal inside the theatre! Hopefully there will be another chance - I've got a spot on my wall over an overstuffed chair just waiting for a framed Artlad original.
 
Holy Crap! I'm going to have to kill the boyfriend...did we really bid $2500? Hmm...there goes my whole paycheck and then some. :) Totally worth it, though. We're dying for the Ring of Power to arrive!
 
Pandora says thank you so much super magazine man. Though I had to explain the story of Pandoras box to her. I tried and tried till it cam down to "Well honey you see men refuse to take responsibilities for there own problems so they came up with a story to blaim women for there problems." Wich she replied with a figures and hurumph men and rolled her eyes at her dad. So see in all this I did a good deed too. I showed my daughter the evils of men. Okay that will last until some boy tells her that she has pretty shoes. Oh well I tried. Thanks again super magazine man! My daughter will forever see you in a cape delivering highlight magazine to all the dr offices of the world.
 
So anyone who bid gets MM stories? Woohoo!

dunkforrest@gmail.com
 
Damn! I kept meaning to bid on something (probably Spock) but then the no sleep I get every night with my two and a half month old kicked in and I forgot. If I don't write it down to do, it doesn't get done these days.

Please give away crap again so I can play! Please!

I might promise to start a blog myself. I promised Shane I'd do one (won the blog gift from him when he gave it away the first time) but I got too busy with the new baby and just felt I couldn't do it justice. So he gave it away again via the haiku.

But I keep wanting to do one. Only I need a cool alias like you, MM, so folks wouldn't know my real identity. Any pointers on picking a nome de digital plume?

Oh, and I live in Ohio. Where are you coming to in our great state?
 
Yesterday started with a really bad state of half-hangover, half still drunk from a night of partying at Cheeseburger in Paradise (not a good way to start the day). Then I found out I won the ACS figures and my day improved dramatically. Then I got home from work and my "So Freakin' Cool" Sto Show shirt was waiting for me (now a totally awesome day).

P.S.- I've never played rugby. I did howevr take a kickboxing class in college and had a pretty mean uppercut. I didn't think that it was necessary for me to break out those bad ass skillz for the Crap Giveaway.
 
Damn MM. You should write more when sleep deprived - what a freakin hoot. That post sounded like Robin Williams after 5 lattes with espresso shots, in my head.

I'd better not find a goat in that case - or you're gonna "have a lot of splaining to do Lucy!"

Do I look like I'd sell Avon? Don't answer that. Close enough, I guess. The Avon Cancer Walk is a two day marathon & a half that happens in Boston in May. The training you spoke of will be me, literally walking my ass off for the next 8 months.

Oh and......6 days smoke free, and I haven't killed anyone yet!!!!!

I can't wait to find out what is in that case!!!!!
 
btw, UGM is a "soup kitchen" not a gospel choir thingy and they turned us down 'cause they have too many volunteers??!!

and all Tam's and my conversations are strictly confidential, except for what we post about or when we talk about you, or when we are being especially brilliant and witty

and if you want to send original MM manuscripts this way, which would be lovely, you have the address (check the last email I sent)
 
You go ahead and choose some ideas for me... I have been mulling ideas in my head just have to get them down on paper and see what I can do without making myselelf look like a total a**...

And again with work, the boy and the hubby's work schedule my days of actually thinking are gone...
 
Well, since Mandy Mac has unwittingly upped the bid on my cousin-in-law's marathon run to $2,500, I'm more than willing to cede her and her boyfriend the ring. Muahahahahahahahaha.

Here you go. For some reason, I'm not finding the actual "donate now" link. I've got a call in to their admin to find out what's up. Hopefully, it will be reposted soon.

http://register.charityrunner.org/site/TR?px=1075485&pg=personal&fr_id=1040
 
Let me turn that into a workable link for you...

Andy in the Chicago Marathon for the ACS
 
Oh well, no soup kitchen for Kathryn, no web cam frontals.

Might I suggest a Yoga for a good cause event, much like the Sun Salutations of a Thousand Painful Next Mornings of last July?

Inspired, I will promise MM to run a charity event. Just signed up for another 1/2 marathon (Sharfa, there is life after smokes. Stick with it. I'm rooting for you in my post nicodial, bunny way) and there's lots of races this fall.

Oh, and get some sleep, will you?
 
Figured out where the link was... you'll find it at the top of the donor honor roll. Big blue "donate" button. I missed it the first half dozen times I looked at the page.
 
Oh yay!! I won I won! I feel like a beauty pageant winner or something. Yes indeed - Royal*Ts to come to you and...do with them what you will, as long as there are photos...Thank you, MM!! (poop chick)
 
You are one dedicated dude to pay postage on all that crap. I was gonna bid but clearly some people wanted your crap more than me and I didn't want to disappoint them. Maybe next round...
 
OMG! Shane is going to look so pretty.

I can't even believe it.
 
Thanks MM! I'm pretty excited to be getting the Art Lad original. Thanks to Art Lad too!! I love getting mail, especially overseas mail!
 
Well-done, MM. Looking forward to all of the blogs about various bid-related activities. And frankly, might just complete my bid tasks for the hell of it (ahh, the lengths I'll go for a story...!)
 
best damm crap convention I have ever been too ... :)
 
So what kinda leftover crap can a girl get for coming up with blurbs for the back of your books? :) And in the spirit of putting good things out there, I'm going to gladly spend Saturday helping fix up homes for those in need. And I'll not succumb to the urge to be snarky about my family-in-law and the tasteless shirts we have to wear...that say "Screw This."
 
Thanks for the hook-up!

Looking forward to #38. I'll hang him up proudly!
 
Jsto-

There is no way....

MM-

Further proof that you are indeed the king of blogland giveaways. When do you sleep, btw?

SN
 
Aaaaah, this all looked like good fun. I'm sorry I missed while busy moving.
 
I missed out on a green lantern ring anf original Art Lad work? Dammit. I was busy moving too! Never again!
 
MM,
You ROCK! Thanks so much.
 
I always leave your blod until last because it's such a treat.

Waaaaaa I didn't know you were sending stuff abroad sniff sniff sniff I wanted some Art lad stuff too. Ah well maybe next time....there will be a next time right????

Pretty cool thing todo.
 
My Enid doll arrived today!!! I SO needed the smiles she brought, as I had to put my daughter on the plane today to go back to college, and I was in mourning. Already, she and my Rosanna Rosannadanna doll are becoming fast friends.

This idea of yours was absolutely spectacular!! I am your fan forever.

Sheila
BTW, the show I have prostituted myself to is "All My Sons," a play by Arthur Miller. Real heavy stuff.
 
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