Friday, October 21, 2005

 

The Ones Everyone Asks About



Greatest hit lists are always pretty subjective. Mine is mostly a conglomeration of posts people made a big deal of (via comments or email) or seemed to remember even after several other entries. Or sometimes, they're just bits of writing I happened to be very smug and self-satisified with.


23 Things About Me

Who IS the Magazine Man? It's a question I've wrestled with for years, and which some of you have wrestled with for months. In the interest of quelling some of the curiosity, I posted this variation on the 100 Things post that is the mainstay of many blogs. Oddly, it only seemed to increase interest in figuring out who the hell I was.


Fixin' the Foxhole

This saga began last spring when I finally convinced Her Lovely Self to let me convert some dead space under the eaves into a walk-in attic. My plans for an ultra-cool secret door (hidden behind a bookcase, no less) ran aground early on in the project. But somehow, the Brownie managed to co-opt the project--and my Dad, who worked on it--for her own ends. The result was just a little bit magical...


MM: Medical Oddity

One thing readers of this blog learn quickly: I have no shortage of unusual medical adventures. Most of these are self-generated, but every once in a while, I find the fickle thumb of Fate jammed up my ass and something really odd and freakish happens to me. This is a case in point, which occurred, conveniently enough, just a few weeks before I got married. You can't make this stuff up, people. And when you live my life, who needs to?


Letter to the Magazine Man

No matter what magazine I've worked at, one of my favorite jobs has always been sorting through reader mail. This is a compilation of some of the best letters. By "best" I mean "worst."


The Guy in the Trunk

Boy, a lot of you loved this story, being an account of my experience at a party where I had to endure some asshole pawing Her Lovely Self, and I just snapped. We weren't dating yet, understand, but I didn't let that stand in the way of my righteous retribution.

The Infamous Bikini Shot

For reasons that escape me just now, I made an idle threat about posting a picture of Her Lovely Self in a bikini on a beach in Barbados and all hell broke loose. I still have some of the emails from Shane begging me to post it...naw, I kid. Before Art Lad hit the Web, this post contained what was by far the most widely viewed image on my Flickr account (no, not the one of me being crushed by a wave). I can't imagine why.


Day in the (Insane) Life

Back when Sharfa and Batonga were pretty much the only readers, I posted this long entry about a crazy day at work that I realized afterwards had unfolded in exactly the manner I had imagined every day of my adult life would be like back when I was a child. It's a living example of the old adage, "Be careful what you wish for...you just might get it." I don’t know if this got emailed to friends or mentioned elsewhere on the 'sphere or what, but right after this post, traffic started to pick up in a big way.


Absinthe Absurdity

During my road trip this past summer, I brought along a rare and highly illegal bottle of absinthe to share with my pals. This entry is a drink-by-drink log of the experience so you can wonder, along with me, why in the world anyone would wish for a super power like "x-ray bison."


The Hangover

A companion piece to the above. Even though it's the next morning, it's obvious I'm still pretty far gone. Pretty much the only reason it's here is because it made Shane laugh a lot (and isn't that reason enough?).



Jules of Wisdom

A proto Art Lad piece, this Father's Day entry recounts my son's decision to trade drawings with one of the greatest illustrators alive, Jules Feiffer.



I am the Sex Man!

Thanks to a slight language barrier, a dating book I wrote in the US is reborn in China as a tell-all sex memoir, complete with a picture of my ass (apparently) on the cover.


The Artist At Work

After the Jules Feiffer entry, lots of folks asked to see some of my son's artwork. I posted his personal favorite and absolute best work, entitled "Dinner." Reader response was overwhelming. Also, at that time, certain grandparents opined that it would nice to see more such drawings. Plus Thomas began following me around with a large box of pictures. I caved to the pressure, and Art Lad was born.


A Short History of C.R.A.P.

Ever since I gave a name to my family's inherited disease, dozens of fellow C.R.A.P. sufferers have come forward to share their stories. I'd like to say our being in touch helped one another, but really all it did was give me a chance to foist my crap on someone else in my first annual giveaway.


Of Bicycles and Baseballs

Man attempts to teach daughter to ride bicycle. Daughter bails out in middle of lesson, kicks Dad in sensitive spot. Hilarity, as they say, ensues.


Meeting the Bus

In which I make a promise to my son and attempt to keep it, with the aid of a great deal of luck and a Bob the Builder hat, and despite being attacked by my own dog and having my car towed.


Speaking My Dog's Language

Once again, my dog worms his way into the blog. Here I recount my efforts to literally try to speak his language, a real struggle, although everyone else around me learned to do it effortlessly. Also contains a link to my first audioblog.



Art Lad vs. Magazine Man

My first vlog, featuring a lightsaber duel in the perilous Basement of Crap. As one commenter remarked: "It just...kept...happening..."



The Wild Rumpus

What happens when I watch the kids while Her Lovely Self is gone for 36 hours? The answer, which took me four days to write, is here.



Misprints

Everyone mistypes a word now and then. I mistype words that are then printed in magazines read by millions. Here's a sampling of my worst moments. By "worst" I mean "best."




BB Turns 40

My brother is slightly famous here for his often illuminating, always skewering comments, so it was right that I should mark his passage from young curmudgeon to old bastard. No one really remembers what I wrote about my brother on his birthday. All they remember is that I used the word "cunnilingus" in a sentence.

There are worse ways to be immortalized, I guess.




Daddy's Little "Procedure"

You'll have no problem figuring out what this one's about. Men, cross your legs before reading.




Shocked...SHOCKED

My latest efforts to deal with back pain go oh, so horribly awry. And in the middle of a big meeting, too.



So there you have it. It's a growing list, by the way and I'm a shameless panderer, so if you don't see a favorite represented here, by all means let me know below.

Yours,
From Somewhere on the Masthead


Comments:
Dude,

Nice. I've gotten into your blog lately, reading my wife long passages while desperately trying to not burst out laughing before I even get to the punch line (cases in point: finger up dog's keister, the dog talker, the runaway dentist patient and dog eats mole).

But last night I wake up to realize I fell asleep without turning off the lights downstairs. I decide to have a late-night snack of one of my wife's fresh brownies, and while I munch I randomly turn on the computer and hit my bookmarks tab, which includes "Masthead."

Two hours later--at 3 a.m.--I'm back in bed, still laughing.

Ya gotta post this stuff earlier in the day or I'm going to get fired!

Thanks--really love your stuff.

- Paul
 
Wow, I've got a lot to catch up on!!
 
You do realize this post is the equivalent of a "clip show"...

Even so, it gives me the chance to revisit some favorites.
 
Hmm. "Clip show" implies I'm running dry on content, does it not?

Actually, this is just part of my rolling effort to clean up the right-hand margin. All the individual links used to be over there, but I've been slowly consolidating them into one entry each. See? Now, all you have to do is click on one entry over there at the right and you'll get linked to a list. But to make the list I have to post an entry first, no?

And speaking of content, there IS a fresh entry today. Of course, it's a cliffhanger, but at least no one can accuse me of foisting a clip show on you...
 
I stand corrected. That is a nice organizational trick.

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