Wednesday, June 11, 2008


In Which I Am Gravity's Bitch...

Well, we've had quite a stormy season, as you know. After our recent near-tornado adventure, a day or so later Her Lovely Self discovered a piece of metal flashing hanging from the roof, blown loose--but not completely loose--by the ferocious wind. So she tucked the flapping end into the window and left it for me to find (and if you watched the video in the last post, you know that I did).

After much hemming and hawing, and drawing out excuses about windy weather and rain-soaked ground for as long as possible, I finally called up my neighbor and borrowed his ultra-long extension ladder to go fix the thing.

This is not the first time flashing has come loose on the roof, and so it is not the first time I have had to face--and overcome--my not-quite-debilitating but often-amusing fear of heights. But the last time I went up the side of the Magazine Mansion to fix something on the roof, I was closer to the garage and so had a Plan B in case I fell from the ladder, a Plan B that involved the garage roof, rather than, say, a tree, or the ground.

Not this time. This time, the flashing was on the other end of the roof, near a tree and a stone wall, neither of which I had any desire to hit.

So it was with my usual brand of growing terror covered barely by bluff humor that I prepared myself to fix the thing.

Of course, I brought my latest obsession, the Flip Mino, along. Thus it is that you will be treated to some very shaky video of my growing double-chin, not to mention my nostrils, and all my strange shaving/acne/unfortunate accident scars below my jawline.

This next portion of our show is noteworthy because, as one early viewer observed, I began channeling my dead father (listen to the distinct New England inflection in the words "gawd-damn-ya!"), almost as if he had briefly possessed me in order to egg me on (the man was fearless about most things, especially heights). Almost makes up for later, when I kept repeating the same words and phrases over and over, like the nervous nellie I was.

Luckily, even with the wind blowing somewhat strongly, and the ladder wobbling like an old lady who forgot her walker, I managed to complete my task. And no, I didn't impale myself on the scissors. But of course the adventure was not entirely without incident.

I know, I know, you were totally expecting that, weren't you? So here's the surprise ending.

Despite the little hiccup this footage shows (and wouldn't YOU hiccup after falling off a ladder?), all was well, and I was able to get my neighbor's ladder back to them, get home, and get cleaned up just in time to watch the news.

And learn that we're under another tornado watch tonight.

But if anything else gets blown loose from my roof, it can goddamn dangle there like metal confetti until the frigging cows come home. I'm done with aerial acrobatics.

And so, I think it's safe to say, is that poor camera.

From Somewhere on the Masthead

Your voice reminds me of Raymond, from Everybody Loves Raymond. LOL Very entertaining and I'm glad your flip didn't break and that you didn't fall.
MM - next time strap it to your hand or, at least, tether it.

Great vids!
MM, remember the warnings you were doing way back when? This blog needs a spew warning, because I swear my entire desk is now covered in orange juice. "Ass cam" started it and it just didn't end.

Glad you and the camera are okay. Hope nothing else happened to the house.
Good lord that was painful to watch! I don't think people with acrophobia should be expected to climb ladders.
OK. OK. OK. I think I just peed a little. OK. OK. OK.

Next time - a helmet and a bit o duct tape and you'll have your very own helmet cam.
Oh, no! My own fear of heights was kicking in the whole time, in empathy, and then... that.

I need a drink.
I'm glad the camera did all the work this time as your stunt double. Good luck with the weather there.
OMG Thank you for buying the flip cam!!! Not only is your writing fantastic, you are hilarious to listen to! If you write that autobiography we all want you to, you also have to read the audio version...k?
eek. I don't mind heights at all but ladders terrify me. I grew up sleeping in an upper bunk and by the time we figured out the ladder had gone wonky it had dumped me so many times I never got over it.

Once I knew, I was tall enough to use a sturdy chair and did just fine.
I don't really mind heights, but extension ladders kind of freak me out. Kudos to you for making it up one with a camera in hand!
All I see is a black screen, and "Sorry, this video is no longer available"
Is this Youtubespeak for "Too many viewers, we canna hold it, Captain!"
Just tell me it isn't because I'm using a Mac!

I love how tenderly you speak to the camera - you have clearly found a new best friend. Can't wait to see the footage of the two of you getting drunk together.
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