Thursday, September 01, 2005


In Which I Am Down for the Count...

Well, the other day I was telling Chuck (who needs to get busy blogging!) that I wasn't going to write about this because, after a 7-day period that included bloody moles and strep-ridden wives and racing around my neighborhood like a guy with three lungs, writing about this would just stretch credibility beyond all recognition.

Now normally, credibility is not a major consideration for me or, I would hope by now, for you. Because, for example, when I say I'm not going to write about something, but here I am writing about it, that in itself should be a pretty solid indicator where my priorities lie.

What was I saying?

So, funny thing: the very night of my big run to meet the bus, I sure didn't feel like a guy with three lungs. Or even a guy with one lung. The truth is, among my many ailments, I have a little, teensy, smidgey-smidge of exercise-induced asthma, mostly allergy-driven, mostly a problem during summer. It's something I have completely under control, mind you. I've never had a dramatic asthma attack of any kind (which is why you've never seen a blog entry here titled "In Which I Collapse in a Wheezing Heap...") mostly I just notice a slight whistle in my breathing if I've just done something inadvisable. Such as doing a one-man, backyard, half-assed version of Chariots of Fire.

Except this time the whistling in my breath was no whistle. And I was coughing like a man in a consumptive ward.

And then, next morning at breakfast, The Brownie laughed and pointed at Daddy's "blue lipstick." What's the name of that lipstick? Oh yes, Cyanotic.

So it was another trip to the clinic, this time my semi-delirious wife hauling me in. It was quite a production (we almost asked the dog to drive). I pretty much cleared the waiting room with my hideous, convulsive, hacking coughing but I'll say this: it vaulted me to the head of the line and the doctors got to do all sorts of fun things to me with great dispatch.

Including delivering the news that I have pneumonia.

It's walking pneumonia, the prime symptom of which, I assume, is "it feels like someone is walking all over you." Specifically my chest. I feel like I'm breathing through two wet sponges.

Now it's not as bad as it sounds, it's just that at this point, it's so...unlikely, you know? I mean, I've had a pretty full week already.

But it's gotten rather a lot slower now.

Aside from one very ill-advised day at the office, I've been pretty much home, pretty much on bed-rest, sucking on more inhalable drugs than at any other time since college. I'm on a wacky amount of prednisone, which is supposed to make it easier to breathe, but so far, it's only made it easier to sit up all night, quivering like a chihuahua.

And the antibiotics! You should see the size of these pills. At first, I wasn't sure which end they went in. But after figuring that out and spending a couple days on them, the doctors said I should be feeling much better.

I'm still waiting.

So forgive me if I've neglected you this week, friends. I know I've got a couple stories I owe you, but their telling will have to wait a bit. I'm just a little short of breath right now.

If you can believe it.

From Somewhere on the Masthead


Hey MM, thanks for the link (and I needed the prodding!) My blog is going into semi-acitve mode now. Hope you feel better quickly.
Wow...some people complain about your exciting life, but I think I could do without the excitement of pneumonia.
Get better. A healthy MM tells better stories I'm sure.
You know, I recently started taking medication to help me stop snoring. After a night or so of laying in bed wide awake I told TJ that I now understood that the Dr.'s plan to cure my snoring centered on the brilliantly simple tactic of medication that prevented me from ever sleeping again. So I can totally sympathize with "so far, it's only made it easier to sit up all night, quivering like a chihuahua."

Laughing whilst in the midst of sympathy is just so...wrong. Here's hoping you're feeling better soon MM.
I do hope you feel better soon...

I have the exact same asthma condition, but I've never turned blue. Here's hoping your pneumonia goes away quietly. Prednisone taken orally can take some time to kick in, but three days seems excessive. Go see your doctor again.

And don't worry about owing us anything. I'm still only halfway through the archives. :)
May I call you Shleprock?

Get better!
pauvre bébé!

If I recall right, the walking all over you sensation analogy only holds if you throw in the stipulation that said walker is wearing golf shoes, and not the gentle plastic ones everyone has these days.

I hope you have someone to mind the children, and you can rest, snuggle up with HLS, and do a little cozy coconvalescence.
Sorry to hear you're feeling BLUE... (sorry, couldn't resist!)

Keep taking those drugs - they will help eventually, and then you'll be back to... normal?

Hope you *and* HLS are both feeling better soon.

T. (Live, from Hospital City!)
I don't believe it!!!!

Just kidding. I think most of us walk around not knowing we're sick a lot of the time. My friend just went in for a general exam 2 months ago and the doc found out that she's been living with a horrible adrenal gland condition that would put her into a coma within 6 months if she didn't have it removed right away. Yikes. Which reminds me, I'm overdue for a doctor's appointment...

Hope you start feeling better soon... your family sure has been unlucky with regards to sickness over the past couple of weeks. Drink some tea and eat some chicken noodle soup and don't mind us... just get better.

One thing I'll say about you, you go BIG on everything. Pneumonia! Holy crap. I wish I could send over some anti-pneumonia salve or balm or tonic. Alas, I don't think it exists. Feel better. For god's sake, don't blog high on painkillers....actually wait, I remember your hungover roadtrip posts...scratch that, DO blog high on pain killers!

I joke, I joke. Seriously, take it easy and get healthy.
Be careful with that stuff- Rest yourself and be ever so easy.

From all the comments I guess you can tell we all miss you and our daily chuckles terribly.

That being said, I am sending a healing prayer your way to you and your family. Be well.
I hope you're on the mend and back to your old blogging self soon. I so enjoy reading about your adventures -- it's sometimes a highlight of my day!
Wow MM. You certainly don't do anything half way do you? Don't worry about us, we'll survive. Somehow. You take care of yourself. Prednisone can cause insomnia. I just got off it myself. If you are still having problems call your doctor. You have him on speed dial at this point, right?
I think you can use your illness as an excuse for your "short fuse" over the weekend with Thomas. It's hard to be patient when your sick, whether you know your sick or not. I hope your holiday weekend isn't ruined. Get well soon.
Get better soon man...
We are a patient lot. We'll wait...
Get better soon!!!


*picturing the dog driving to the clinic*
I had the same condition when i was younger, but grew out of it (thankfully!). Walking pneumonia is NO FUN (but hey, get off the prednisone, it's baaaad stuff). Feel better soon!

Poor, poor baby.

Remember, Absinthe kills more than just brain cells! A couple shots, a good nights sleep......

You never do anything half assed, do you?

I hope you are feeling 100% again very soon!
neglecting us? it was only 3 days in between posts.. maybe you've got your readership too used to daily updates. don't worry about us, MM - just get better soon and rest up.

btw if this is how well you write even when you have, of all things, pneumonia, I am even more impressed with your writing than I was before!
(I wasn't suggesting you should post less - I do definitely love your posts, and daily updates is goooood with me. just don't kill yourself about it :-) )
MM! Holy crap. I go away for a few days and all hell breaks loose!! I sure hope you are okay, you absolutely do tell stories better than anyone else I know, but I wish you weren't the unfortunate subject of this past one. Get better!!! Take the Labour Day long weekend off off off. Don't even think about anything remotely resembling work. Sleep as much as you can. Take your meds. And, go back to the hospital if they're not working. Says Dr. straightpoop.
I really liked the info on your site about snoring - nice work. I've just started my own snoring secrets blog and would really appreciate you stopping by
I read an interesting article on it I would like to share with you...
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