Friday, November 11, 2005


In Which I Roll A Seven...

As you know, I don't often do these (and in fact completely blew off ones that Pixelscribbles and Babs tagged me with. And don't worry ladies, I still feel guilty about it), but this one from Lillie interested me strangely and I figured you better have something to read while you're waiting for me to figure out my technical problems re: telling the Hairball Express story.

(Which, by the way, I've decided to audioblog, except that something is weird either with my mic or my sound card because every time I've attempted to record it, on playback it sounds like I'm shouting the story through a culvert. A culvert sitting on the edge of the Grand Canyon.)

I expect to resolve it this weekend, so until then:

7 Things I Can Do:

--Read upside-down.

--Klat dna etirw sdrawkcab ylriaf ylkciuq.

--A baffling magic trick (to anyone under the age of 12) where I make one arm shorter than the other.

--The Monkey Face.

--Parallel park on both the left- and right-hand sides of a street.

--Basic electrical and plumbing repair.

--Write. And write. And write some more.

7 Things I Can't/Won't Do

--Join the Army.

--Any form of math more complicated than long division (with the strange exception of being able to calculate percentage increase or decrease, through the use of a formula I had literally written on my hand during my time as a freelancer for business magazines. I think the formula was N2 minus N1 divided hell, I forget...).

--Provide any assistance whatsoever to a certain editor of a certain men's magazine--not even if he were dangling off a cliff by his nostril hairs and my rescuing him would make me an instant hero and the idols of millions. He knows who he is. And he knows why.

--Tolerate anyone--including blood relatives--to speak to or lay hands on my wife or children in anything remotely resembling an unkind manner.

--Float on my back (the dead's man float? Got that one down pat).

--Remember a joke (my head's too full of smart-ass remarks).

--Eat pot roast.

7 Things in My Life I'm Grateful For

--My family (duh)

--Every classmate in second grade who reacted so enthusiastically when I read my first story, "The Secret Origin of the Easter Bunny" and made me realize how rewarding writing could be.

--Summers with my uncle, who instilled in me not only my work ethic but also the idea that everything and everyone has a good story in them.

--My mother, who could refuse with an iron will to buy me every toy, item of candy, or box of sugary cereal I ever begged and whined for, but who never ever refused to buy me any book or magazine I ever wanted.

--My Dad's sobriety.

--The editor at my last job, who took a chance hiring me and in so doing brought me into the world of big magazines, gave me three of the best years I've had in my career (so far) and enabled me to get the job I have now.

--All of you. Every minute you spend of your life is a minute you will never get back, so the fact that you would spend even a few of those precious minutes a day here, reading my stuff, means more to me than you can possibly imagine.

7 Things I Hope to Do Before I Die

--Meet my grandchildren.

--Visit Australia.

--Meet my relatives in Ireland.

--Publish a bestseller again, but this time have it be one I own all the rights to.

--Ride in a hot-air balloon.

--Write a comic book.

--Inspire someone else to write, whether by teaching a throng or simply recognizing one person's talent where no one has before and encouraging that talent--and that person--to realize their potential.

7 bloggers I'd like to infect with this meme

I can't. But feel free to help yourselves.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go buy a new sound card for my computer.

From Somewhere on the Masthead

I've been meaning to use this one as my "get out of blogging for a day free" card. I started doing it this week, but my laziness wouldn't let me.

I'm looking forward to that comic book...
Awww. I liked that.
Looc! Siht si ytterp nuf- wen kcirt, wen kcirt! (did I od siht thgir?
I'm not one of those people that like to change other people's views on important matters. However, may I suggest you taste my mother's pot roast before you give up on it for the rest of your life. She's not the best cook in the world, but her pot roast is excellent and I think you'll really enjoy it.
Well TY, TY and TY again for picking mine! And this delurks you doesn't it! See how easy it is to make me happy!
You have inspired me to write...or, at least, to give it a try and see if I can. So, there's one goal down. Thanks.
I'm with Shannon on this one.

Your blog is a fountain of inspiration to me, not only to maintain the quality of my blog (what you said about people using their precious time to read hit a special chord with me), but also of the value of storytelling in the things we write.

When I grow up, I wanna be just like MM...
But can you read backwards and in reverse? Meaning, can you read something backwards from the other side of its display pane (writing on a window, etc.)?
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